Church Wounds

I was recently on phone with a potential landlord who had found me most likeable among all the people who enquired about his rental apartment. The tone of the conversation changed after I mentioned to him that I was a Christian. He told me he found Christians (not Christ) distasteful. He said he was once a devout Christian himself but now free-spirited. The next day he sent me a message that said that he had rented the apartment to someone else whose lifestyle he found more palatable. When and how did we get here? When did being a Christian become ‘distasteful’? Why do people distrust church people so much? Why do Christians sometimes find it hard to do business or trade with their fellow Christians? Why are Christians sometimes the worst critics of other Christians? I did a bit of searching and realized that my potential landlord might have suffered from what is commonly referred to as “church wounds”. I also found out that many anti-church people were once churchgoers and church lovers. How does one begin to explain this anomaly? How do we come to terms with the fact that there are thousands of people out there who have felt wounded or betrayed by the church? This is a difficult subject for me to write because I have never been wounded by the church––although I have been disappointed in a few church members a couple of times– and cannot pretend to know what it feels like. Having talked to a few friends about the subject, I realized it is a very serious matter which, most of the time, gets swept under the carpet for numerous reasons. Sometimes people who are hurt by the church fail to discuss it because they fear being labelled as rebels. Other times, when they try to raise the issue, they are further silenced because expressing their hurt may discourage others and may portray church leaders or church goers in a bad light. While many have come out of church wounds unscathed, others have left the church (and even died) without looking back. One of my friends whom I spoke to about this issue recounted how he hadn’t gone to church in months because he felt manipulated by church leadership. He talked about how he was looked down upon after he lost his job and how he felt suicidal as a result. Another friend spoke about seeing the worst in church people and how that deflated his confidence in people generally. Another friend told me about a man, a social media influencer who, today, is one of the strongest voices against the church. This man once loved the Lord but that love turned to bitterness after he was barred from marrying a girl (in church) because of his low economic status. As the story went, he impregnated the girl against the parents’ wishes. Even though he was wrong to have done so, he was shocked when he found out that the girl’s parents (who were church leaders) took her for an abortion. That was the moment he left the church and never returned.

While church wound is real, it is important to emphasize that it is not that taste of discomfort you felt when your pastor spoke the truth of God’s word which pricked your guilty conscience. It is also not the grievances you had after you were stopped from ministering in church because of an outright wrong or an inappropriate behavior. Church wounds run deep. I am talking about being savagely bullied and emotionally blackmailed by church people. I am writing about people who have been at the receiving end of high-class hypocrisy and unspeakable two-facedness from their church members. I am talking about people who were judged unfairly –or wrongly– and treated with an excruciating double standard. I am talking about people who were abandoned by the church at a time when they needed God the most. I am talking about people whose lives have been ruined under the rubrics of church legalities and blind religiosity. I am talking about people who, against their will, get dragged into messy church conflicts, people whose confidence have been betrayed by church politics. To such people, here is the truth: your decision to stop going to church makes logical sense. But here is another truth: if Jesus himself were to come back in disguise to the world today, he would most likely be rejected by the church. I know you hate churchy people, but I also know that you know, deep within you, that what has been done to you does not reflect what Jesus has done or would ever do to you.  And here is another truth: Jesus knows and feel your hurts. He desperately wants to heal your broken heart and bind your wounds (Psalm 147:3). But also, he wants you to obey Him and have faith in His words even in instances when obedience and faith don’t make logical sense. No matter what happens, Jesus does not want you “to forsake church gatherings” (Hebrews 10:25) – although I don’t think He is against a cautious church switching. I know unchurched Christianity has become the trend, but the truth is that Christianity finds expression and essence in community, in fellowshipping. As someone said, “when we call people to trust in Christ, we call them to join the family of God. Calling people to Jesus includes calling them to belong to Christ’s body”. Therefore, church attendance is an integral part of the Christian life. Because you still love the Lord and still wants to obey Him, I want to provide you with a few tips on how to deal with church wounds.

First of all, you need to understand that there is no perfect church, not on this earth. If you read Paul’s letter to the churches (in Rome, Ephesus, Corinth, Galatia), you’ll notice that he often reprimanded them for their multiple shortcomings. Even Paul himself suffered church wounds. At some point (2 Timothy 4:16), he felt abandoned by the church he helped to build. Also, if you read the letter to the seven churches in the Book of Revelations, you’ll realize that no church is perfect except, of course, for when we all become one congregation under the Lordship of Christ in heaven. When you have this understanding, you’ll become less likely to be wounded by the church. In addition, you need to know that when all is said and done, all those church members are still humans and are still capable of misjudging situations or mischaracterizing righteousness. You also need to understand that where people of God are gathered, even the devil can be present (Job 1:6). Therefore, not all church goers are heaven goers. The devil’s ultimate goal is not to drive you away from church people, his ultimate goal is to use your church wounds to drive you away from God. This is why you need to know whom you have believed (2 Timothy 1:12); it is why you need to guard your relationship with Christ diligently to such extent that even the worst of church behaviors would not be able to separate you from the Lord (Romans 8:35-39). When you look unto Jesus the author and finisher of your faith alone (and not your pastor or church elder), you would not be deterred by whatever anyone does to you. Also, when you are judged unfairly by the church, remember that the pharisees (the church of that time) misjudged Jesus too but, instead, Jesus chose to “entrust himself to the one who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23). He ultimately forgave His arraigners even though they were underserving of His forgiveness (Colossians 3:13) – and so should you forgive those church members even when they have not asked for it. I know this is a tough thing to do, but it is important for you to heal from your church wounds. Always remember to talk directly to Jesus even when it is “His people” who are giving you such a hard time.

            II

It is important for us regular churchgoers to look inward and ask ourselves if we have contributed in one way or the other to wounding other churchgoers. This is an important question to ask because we are the church. The church is not a building, it is not an abstract, it is the people who go to church that make the church. Someone actually cautions that you should not “bother looking for a perfect church because if you ever find it, and join it, then it won’t be perfect anymore”. There is no perfect church because there are no perfect people. Therefore, there will always be offences and conflicts in the church but “woe unto whom him through whom they” happen (Luke 17:1). This is why it is important to ask ourselves if, in the most subtle way, we’ve been a wet blanket or stumbling block to another church member (Matthew 18:16). Speaking of stumbling blocks, Jesus condemned the Pharisees for travelling ‘over land and sea’ to gain one convert but also turning that convert into a candidate of hell. He condemned them for shutting the door of Heaven on people’s faces even when they themselves were not entering in (Matthew 23:13-15). This reprimand applies to the church today. Those who deliberately wound others–and make others leave the church– are themselves candidates of hell. My own prayer is for God to help me not to be that church member who takes pleasure in bringing people down or that church member who watches on when other church members are being wounded. We all need to go back to the basics. What is “the” church? And what purpose does it serve? The church is the body of Christ. It is also a congregation of believers who meet regularly to pray, worship and serve one another. The early church had an unbroken unity, they pulled and shared resources together. They were so Christ-like that people started calling them Christians (those like Christ). Isn’t it an amazing testimony that it was unbelievers who first called a group of believers by the name “Christians”? If we were to be named by unbelievers today, what would they name us churchgoers? And do you know that being “churchy”, according to most dictionaries, has become a negative thing? This needs to change because we know that the church is essential in the purpose of God. The church is supposed to be a place of safety, it is supposed to be a hospital for the broken. It is supposed to be a house of prayer, not a den of thieves and hypocrites (Matthew 21:13). As church people, we must do our best, with the help of the Holy Spirit, “to bear one another’s burdens and keep the unity of spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:2, 3). Finally, despite the imperfections, God promises to build His church; He would never allow the gate of hell to prevail against it (Matthew 16:18). God loves his church very dearly– may we also find a place in our hearts to do the same.