Worrier or Warrior?

Don’t Worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done (Philippians 4:6)

As I write this, I am worried about how to write about worry. But I am reminded of the scripture I have been meditating upon (Philippians 4:6- let’s just call it my scriptural antidepressant) and I whisper prayers to God to help and to let the write-up free someone from the prison called worry. I am a recovering pathological worrier. Whenever worry gets a hold on me, people around me think I have OCD. I remember times when worry gripped me and led me into dark, hollowed places. It paralyzed me and rendered me useless to myself, God and my loved ones. The spirit of worry buried me in the sea of unproductivity and regression; it turned me to a slave of fear. But, recently, in one of my moments of pathological worry, which is usually accompanied with pulsating headaches and throbbing heart beats, I remembered a song we used to sing in Sunday School:

Why worry when you can pray

Trust Jesus and he will lead your way

Don’t be a doubting Thomas but trust upon his promise

Why worry when you can pray

That was my Eureka moment. That was when I realized that my train of thoughts had been viciously attacked by the Trojan Horse of worry to the breaking point of prayerlessness. When I finally took the bold step of trying to pray, my mind went numb, my tongue tied, and my mouth heavy. “This cannot be my end”, I muttered, weakly, to myself.

Looking back on that particular episode, I realized God must have been watching. Jesus must have been praying for me. The Holy Spirit must have been making intercession for me with deep groaning that cannot be uttered. I am saying this because my story didn’t end in gloom and doom (and I’m grateful for that). Rather, Philippians 4:6 dropped on my mind and jolted me back to life. “Why not start with thanksgiving. Thank him for what he has done and even what he hasn’t”. I listened to the voice of the spirit and began to thank God and, there and then, I realized how ungrateful I had become. How I had focused more on the things I didn’t have to the extent that I could not enjoy the things I had.

I begged for forgiveness because, yes, worry is a sin– it is one of the common sins of the saints.

Worry is a spirit that is always up to no good. It sinks you in the sea of depression and makes you think you are the world’s best loser. It blindfolds you; it blinds your eyes to beauty and thankfulness. It makes you see; it makes you see thorns and shadows. It is an illusion; it is an illusion that grows into a cancerous reality. It feasts on your mind and rules over your thoughts until all you see is a cul-de-sac. Many stories of suicide began with small lorries of worries. Worry – the younger sibling of depression.

My worries weren’t unfounded. They were founded in the flesh and in worldliness, the kind that the Lord commands us to love not. I worried about real life things. I worried about my finances and future. Finances: what to eat, what to wear, where to stay(shelter). Future: what will tomorrow bring? These are things that would be considered “normal” worries by the world’s constitution (but unacceptable by the Kingdom principle). I had forgotten what Jesus said about the sparrows in the air and lilies in the field. I had forgotten how he instructed that I should take no thought on what to eat, drink or wear because my heavenly father knows that I am in need of those things.  I had forgotten Jesus’ injunction about taking no thought for tomorrow because tomorrow shall take thought for itself (Matthew 6:25-33). I had misplaced my priority as worries took first place– above the Kingdom of God and His righteousness– in my heart.

Don’t Worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done (Philippians 4:6)

Honestly, as a recovering pathologically worrier, it seems impossible not to worry about next month’s rent or career prospects. We do not always have control over these circumstances. But God does. Always.  This is why I actively seek to turn my worries into prayer. In fact, I like how my study Bible puts it: Do you want to worry less? Then pray more! Whenever you start to worry, stop and pray. It works.

For many of us millennials, we medicate worry by seeking refuge in the escapist world of social media. Unbeknownst to us that, by doing so, we compound our sorrows (in fact, several studies have established the link between depression and social media use).  When we worry, we are simply telling God that he is incapable of helping us, that we do not trust him. In consequence, we chase away the peace of God that passes all understanding from our life. We run from pillar to post and stop depending on God for our daily bread (Matthew 6:11).

With that said, I have also learnt that being proactive may not translate as worrying. We should not entertain the tendency to become superfluously laid-back because we’ve been told not to worry about the future. Jesus didn’t tell us not to plan for tomorrow (he himself is a master-planer), he told us not to worry about tomorrow.

Let me leave you (and myself) with this quote: “planning for tomorrow is time well spent; worrying about tomorrow is time wasted. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell the difference. Careful planning is thinking ahead about goals, steps and schedules, and trusting in God’s guidance. When done well, planning can alleviate worry. The worrier, by contrast, is consumed by fear and finds it difficult to trust God. The worrier lets his plans interfere with his relationship with God”.