Better is one day in your court than a thousand elsewhere (Psalm 84:10)

In my relatively long walk with Christ, I have finally come to terms with the fact that there are good days and bad days. On the good days, I wake up with much spiritual energy, ready to conquer the world for Christ. On the bad days (which, I have figured, aren’t actually bad), I cry desperately to feel God’s presence but all I feel is numbness. On those bad days, I have come to realize that my walk with God is not necessarily tied to how or what i feel. I have learnt that it is in those moments when I can’t feel or hear God that I need to proclaim His words over my life more. It is on those days when God feels most distant that He is actually closest to us. Therefore, even when we can’t catch a glimpse of Him, God is close to our broken heart and crushed spirit (Psalm 34:18).

However, if I would be honest with myself, the kind of distance (of God) that I am trying so hard to describe here is the one that is, most of the time, a result of my own doing. I am referring to the kind of distance that the Psalmist describes in Psalm 66:18 (If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me). I am speaking of those moments when I willfully disobey God’s word – when I relish the momentary pleasure of sin.  In those moments, I am still conscious of my need for God and I usually feel remorseful after the deed is done. I ask for forgiveness and, by faith, receive it. But the story does not always end there for me. The challenge begins when I try to slide back into my devotional life with God. Of course, God has forgiven me and I have no feeling of guilt or condemnation anymore, but a feeling of loss remains. I feel like the momentum to pursue God has radically dwindled. I then begin to strive for the return of the hunger and thirst for Him. I become intentional in wanting to enjoy God in full force the way I used to.

What I am trying to drive at is: why yield to temptation to sin when you know that it will cost you so much to get back on your feet? Hence, whenever I am tempted to sin, I imagine the words of the Psalmists that states: “better is one day in your court than a thousand elsewhere”. That is, in my understanding, better is one day in the presence of God than a thousand in sin. We know that God hates sin and by willfully sinning, we are simply chasing away His abiding presence from our lives. Also, dwelling on the Psalmist’s words, I have realized that a day away from God does also feel like a thousand days away from Him. In my experience, whenever I turn my gaze away from Jesus, even if for a moment, it feels like I have been lost for ages. But thank God for His amazing grace and for always being ready to receive us in open arms whenever we wander away from Him. My point is, willfully veering into sin is not worth it but whenever we do, we should go boldly to the throne of grace and receive mercy.

Selah